Funny jokes - 50 best jokes
Next best jokes »
Home - A - Age Jokes
"That's an excellent essay for someone your age," said the English teacher.
"How about for someone my Mum's age, Miss?"
"Welcome to school, Simon," said the nursery school teacher to the new boy. "How old are you?" "I'm not old," said Simon. "I'm nearly new."
Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine.
"How old are you, ma'am?" asked Fred.
"I'm not going to tell you that," she replied.
"But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were."
"Oh well," said Miss Jones. "I'm the same age as both of them."
The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote:
Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills.
"Now remember, boys and girls," said the science teacher, "you can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year."
Fred went home for tea and found a chocolate roll on the table.
"I'm not eating that, Mum!" she said. "It's five years old."
Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Fred. When I was your age I ate every one.
Fred: Do you still like crusts, Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, I do.
Fred: Well, you can have mine.
How old is your wife?
Approaching forty.
From which direction?
An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday.
`That's right,' said the old man. `Ninety-nine years old, and I haven't an enemy in the world. They're all dead.'
`Well, sir,' said the interviewer, `I hope very much to have the honour of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.'
The old man looked at the young man closely, and said, `I can't see why you shouldn't. You look fit and healthy to me!'
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continue on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."
- The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
- A woman that won't do what she's told.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
- She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
