Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

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Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. "Why are we running so fast?" asked one.
"Because," said the second, "it says 'tear along the dotted line'!"

Rating: 4.4 |

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't
dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look
fat in those pants."

Rating: 4.4 |

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work.

After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:

"Debits in the column toward the file cabinet.
Credits in the column toward the window."

Rating: 4.4 |

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

Rating: 4.4 |

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

Rating: 4.4 |

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