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An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop.
'Quick!' shouted the tailor to his assistant. 'Hide the "Free Alterations" sign!'
What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have ?
A catastrophe !
Where do birds invest their money ?
In the stork market !
What should you do if you see a vicious dog?
Hope he doesn't see you.
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."