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What do you call a python with a great bedside manner?
A snake charmer.
What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
I see the baby's nose is running again," said a worried father.
"For goodness sake!" snapped his wife. "Can't you think of anything other than horse racing?"
There were these two Engineers who decided they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As it happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they were about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time dragging the animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist happened upon them.
He said, "You know, the hair follicles on a moose have a grain to them
that causes the hair to lie toward the back. The way you are dragging that
moose, it increases your coefficient of friction by a huge margin. If you
grab it by the antlers and pull, you will find the work required to be quite
The Engineers thanked him and started dragging the moose by the antlers. After about an hour, one Engineer said, "I can't believe how easy it is to move this moose this way. I sure am glad we ran across that Biologist."
"Yeah.", said the other. "But we're getting further and further away from our truck."
Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered.
The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me."
The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"